Thursday, January 9, 2014
My greatest fear
There are many things I fear but I only recently disclosed to a close friend what my greatest fear is. You see, my sister Anna gave me the most precious niece anyone could ask for. As I find my self babysitting or just spending time with my niece I started to think about how much I want kids later in life, and what kind of father I might be. It hit me then, how scared I am that I would become like my father. To the point that I am no longer sure that I want kids. Having seen the havoc wreaked on my family by my father it is only natural to feel this way I suppose, but what fuels my fear is that I find little pieces of my father in me, not pieces of the good parts of him, but of the bad ones. I worry that even with as much as I hate what he did, and hated him for it, that I could be just like him.
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"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
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